When we claim that it's the inside that counts, the mirror will never lie to you! Who are we kidding?
Growing up I always faces self esteem and weight issues. In childhood, you will be labeled as 'adorable' with thechubby cheeks, but after an age it aint cute anymore.
After draping the new dress I bought, I thought of myself as pretty. As soon as I looked around and gazed upon the women, who could flaunt anything, I went into my inertia. I never thought anyone could be interested in me.
People think fat people have to be talented or funny to compensate for the physical appearance. I was always in that pressure, throbbing on me whilst speaking to a new person.
I was never a fitness enthusiast (lots of photos to prove that).
Especially gumming. Where skinny and overeager people all around ready to give even the next-to-perfect body a complex. Judgmental instructors.
Im always claiming to diet and the box of Godiva on the side table does little or nothing to help. Every week i have a new diet plan which no one will adhere to.So after arriving in London and raiding all the lovely bakeries around here, it has made me this close to looking like a cupcake advertisement. The red velvet here when it touches your lips, i promise feels like a kiss from heavens.
This culminated in me almost bursting of my clothes, compelling myself to reluctantly join the gym. Made the husband join with me as a mode of encouragement too. High time I aim at being a Gwenyth Paltrow! All the brit woman are!
So my first day, and I'm ready to test my body's endurance and strength. Behold the women! everyone is dressed in posh exercise apparel with perfectly tied buns. Also looking like Kate moss dopplegangers.
Note to self - baggy t-shirts and loose hot pants aint getting you anywhere. Also need to invest in headbands.
Wanting to appear a tad competent, i try to copy the moves. Here we go!
But wait. All attempts are futile.
After a failed experimentation with never ending planks, i resort to doing jumping jacks while swedish house mafia is blaring through the speakers.
And suddenly the instructor says' lets start!' I thought we were half way through. at least my numb legs would agree.
Starting with easy breathing exercises, I breathe a sigh of relief. We arnt going to do this for an entire hour are we?
5 minutes and I'm rhythmically moving praying that the instructor doesn't notice me sipping water.
Excuse me, girl in front row, just because you're not wheezing and doing the moves effortlessly doesn't make u perfect. i dislike her already.
I think i need an ambulance, I feel paralyzed!
Wait! its just been 20 minutes? Guess this is what Dante referred to as hell!
I feel like my body is turning against me.
But you know what is making me unstoppable? The desires to be like one of these Libidious women. The day when I can just walk into a store and buy that tiny dress showing off my legs.
And suddenly I'm not complaining and JLo is doing her bit to make me over enthu.
As the class was dismissed, I, still in the phase if killing it all in one day, entered the gym, which was flooded with bulky men lifting as much of weights.
Then, I realized, how I craved attention, which I was for long, denied.
How I binged and looked for joy elsewhere. FOOD!
Lets not deny that we all love listening to that little monster which says,' one cupcake wont harm', and we leap into that moment of temptation which leads to a night of guilt and self loathing. The cycle continues.
But the idea is, making yourself experience that contempt and disapproval towards our bodies makes us disconnected eventually leading to a worse scenario.
In our own eyes, we will never be perfect. There is always the critical self that barges in and points out the little flab on the love handles. Sometimes it gets even difficult to accept compliments.
But I have learnt that the more we love our bodies, and ourselves the more it responds back with love. The more we love ourselves, the world will love us.
So do yourself a favor today, love yourself. No one else is designed to love you as much as you can; only you know how totally rocking you are.
That's what I will!
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