Monday, July 22, 2013

Learning Life

I have worked with kids for more then 5 years, my first job was at a church Nursery and I quickly exelled in every age group. Seeing kids eyes light up when they learned something new was one of my favorite things to watch. Seeing them interact with eachother and say and pretend the way kids do, it was one of my biggest joys in life.I would come to see all walks of life, all races, all economy status' and even some mentally ill children. I was 16 when I got my first job working with children and It was in a classroom setting. I then worked with children in a more relaxed and fun setting for kids at a Playworld, totally not classroom setting at all. I quite that job at age 21 to be a stay at home mom and from there have done my own day care. Being naive- and by naive I mean not having my own son and knowing the hardships of being a parent. I would see children of differant levels and see a child much slower then the rest and think "wow, their parents must not work with them much" I would often say "A child will learn as much as you teach them"(I will use 'him' a lot that is only because that is what I am use to saying with my son) I believe these are completly naive statements because my own hardships with my son have taught me that you can't force a child to learn. Just because you show him, drill him, and repeat something to him over and over doesn't mean he will actually learn what you are trying to teach.

Like I said-I had my own childcare in my home after my son was born and with my background teaching experiance I was on fire with teaching my day care kids, and my own. I knew for the most part what milestones needed to be reached and where and I knew at Maisons 2nd birthday when he wasn't talking much that there was a problem.

For his 2 year check up we took him in to his Dr and he said said there wasn't anything to worry about-Autism and Mentally wise (of course I asked!) but that we should scedule an appointment with a speech therapist just to get him evaluated. They had me answer a thick packet of questions (milestones) of what he needed to do. He exelled in all things motor. Being able to do many of those things for quite some time. But nothing speech associated. I wish I still had that packet so I could name off some things he wasn't doing. One I know for sure was he didn't say two words together that were UNrelated. he didn't say 'dadas hat' he just either said 'dada' and handed him his hat. or just said 'hat' he would say two words together but they were always together and it was always a word and a sound "dog woof woof" "meow cat"


The books, The packets, the magazines, the blogs, the Google responses all said the same milestones : say 2 works UN related, say 3 word sentences. Mais wasn't doing any of this.

I want to be clear I wasn't disapointed in my son at all. In fact It was opposite. I was worried for him, and dissapointed in myself. I think as a parent-when something isn't going as it should with your child it makes parents feel its a reflection of their parenting and what they have done wrong. I would tell my self there is nothing else I could have ever done, there truely wasn't (Maybe home school him at age of 2? ;)) but truely I felt I had failed.

The speech therapist was amazing. Mais did great in things that I truely didn't think he would grasp. for example the ST(Speech Therapist) would show Mais 4 pictures. 1-a girl eating. 2-a girl taking a bath 3-a girl playing ball 4-a girl sleeping and he would say (not read but just say) "suzy came home from school and she was really hungary, what do you think suzy did when she got home from school" Honestly I sat there like YA RIGHT but sure enough. Mais walked up and pointed to the picture of her eating. He did this several times. (He would keep going if he got them correct, if he got something wrong he would try one last time and if he was still incorrect he would just stop) I could tell the way he knew how to evaluate my son that we were going to get a fair and accurate evaluation. He did the 4 picture thing many times with many differant scenerios and after a while he stopped doing them....wrote in his journal as we akwardly played with Mais awaiting our verdict.

He said he was actually impressed with some of the things that Mais did. that he is advanced in some parts of his learning. But that 'advanced' in this age doesn't mean what it would in normal school grading (doesnt mean he's ahead of his classmates) he said that most the time when kids are above or behind they end up evening out and all traits are caught up and equal. He started with the good news. the bad news, which could be worste truely, is that Mais is 3 months behind scedule with speaking. Thought this may mean NOTHING to those that have no children, or those that have forgotten how precious months are with young ones. But a 3 month old to a 6 month old is completly differant. Just as a 19 month old is differant from a 2 year old. and our 2 year old was speaking just as a 19 month old is.

We have talked to many friends that have had their sons first and have said it took a while for their sons to speak too, but it still is a tiny dagger to the heart and this verdict has changed the way I parent to this day. The verdict and me going to school for myself has helped me a lot. It is amazing how you learn things for a degree but it really can be usfull in your everyday life. Examples I have learned in my Psychology class that boys do not learn well when they are forced to sit and be still but rather moving and playing. So reading to Mais and doing puzzles at the table may work when he wants to sit but realistically we shouldn't even be doing it mutliple times a day. This is also hard for me as a women since women DO learn by sitting and repeating, not so much by doing. So I have to try and think like a boy.Instead I have to get creative and think out of the box. I started talking to him while he was in the car. pointing out random objects and saying them. and now those are the words he knows most, House. Car. Tree. Truck. Airplane. now its on to BIG house SMALL car. and then BLUE truck GREEN tree. or if he is being hyper and throwing a ball RED BALL UP...It pretty much like talking like a cave man over and over. which is exactly what our therapist said and it is working.

I have literally DREAMED of being a mother my whole life. I cried at my babyshower because I couldnt even believe it was actually happening. I cried when Mais said MAMA cuz I had been living my whole life to hear a human I birthed to call ME their MOM and now its my responsibility to teach this human absolutly everything in life, no pressure ;)

I am writing this so that I can share to those that may be having a hard time that....it takes hard work. your kids will NOT learn just because you teach them. they will learn when they are ready to learn. period. Learning is not something you can force.

I will try to update more. so far Mais is using 3 word or more sentences. he knows most words and repeats everything we say (when we saw the speech therapist he wouldnt repeat ANYTHING. pure stubborn) Mais is starting to use ME YOU MY YOUR. He has his 'catch phrases' like I JUST REEE (really) LOVE IT or WHERE ARE YOUUUU the blank is usually filled with buzz or woody. and by October is the goal to get him caught up where he needs to be (thus it is when our follow up appointment is)

I just wanted to share this to say that if parent hood gets hard. I have been there. dont give up. and what you truely need is just a really good friend to confide into. Dont blame it on your spouse it is a hard issue that needs to be taken on by a team unit (team unit being you and your spouse) and the most important thing LOVE.Accept and FORGIVE. Love yourself. Forgive yourself of anything you did wrong (which there probably isnt) and love and accept your child for who they are. My son is a crazy man, in the best way. he is absolutly insane. running around. screaming (happily) hes a monster of early mornings and would rather listen to music. bang toys together and pretend to be a dog. He doesnt care about talking if he doesnt feel like it and sitting down in one spot is NOT going to happen unless you have unlimited fruitsnacks on hand. (sometimes its tempting) Its important not to make your child be anything that they arnt. Let them be them. try to replace the negetive at the moment with praises. "he may not talk much but dang he sure does know all the sounds of the animals" 'he may not say much but he sure does good up and down the stairs and the slides"

Thats all for now....updates to come.........
Full Post

No comments:

Post a Comment