Friday, December 27, 2013

Clown pants

Mom: You exude the coldness of a know-it-all. [Pause.] Come visit more often.

This proceeded a fight over a pair of size-8 jeans that mom dug up and deemed to be "unique" and valuable.

A.: No.

Mom: Try them on.

A.: I can tell by looking at them that they're too big.

Mom: Try them on!

I got up, tried the jeans on over my pants. Mom thought they looked great.

A.: Hell no.

Mom: They fit.

A.: They're huge. They look like clown pants.

Dad: That they do.

Mom: Lose weight so you can wear them, because they're great pants.

A.: Losing weight is not going to help me with these.

Mom: Yes it will. I am holding on to these in case you change your mind.

A.: I won't change my mind.

Mom: Yes you will. They're unique.

A.: That they are not.

Mom: You have terrible taste.

A.: Weren't we going somewhere?

Mom: You're cold. [Pause.] You should read "The Little Prince." We raised such a monster. Maybe you'll understand when you get older.
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