Monday, December 23, 2013

How To Be A Woman

I could tell you a lot about what being a woman means to me. In my personal definition, to be a woman is to wear red lipstick as a general rule, wear heels whenever possible, flirt with everyone and everything for no ulterior motive other than to be pleasant, have a favourite song by Lady Gaga and to get absolutely roaring drunk but still feel fabulous and never, ever threatened.

But I'm not niave enough to assume that my definition is universal. So in that sense, the title of this blog is misleading - who am I to tell you how to be a laydee?

Come on - some girls would think the way I choose to portray my femininity is...well, absolute hell. Heels are uncomfortable - just look at Victoria Beckham's bunions, so gross, how does David put up with it? Lipstick can be a wee bit "drag queen" and Lady Gaga is like, totes mainstream and she has well sold out.

But I'm resigned to the fact that I probably won't change. Of course I have days when I just think "wouldn't it be great to have one of those pert bottoms that really fill out a pair of jeans?" or even "could I be a bit less hopelessly girly? Apparently boys like girls with a bit of an edge and I'm as soft as a squashed raspberry all over", but I tend to get over this. However, there are some major issues regarding how women treat other women that resonate with me and serve to completely detriment the chances of this attitude ever becoming more widespread.

For instance, as somebody who has subjected their self to a destructive amount of self persecution over the years before reaching some inner peace, it irritates me massively that in 2013 wrong messages about body image are still being sent out ALL THE TIME. We girls tend to spend a lot of time pointing fingers at "THE PATRIARCHY!" and their "OPPRESSIVE PROPAGHANDA!" but jesus, we self perpetuate a lot of this shite ourselves in our own media. Sure, Nuts is suggesting that attractive women must have boobs up to their necks and a bum you could rest your drink on but woman's magazines are just as bad! They tear a woman down if they add a few pounds then express how "concerned" they are about their weight loss when in reality, they've probably just taken off their padded bra. Then the journalists hop on the "yeah, curves! Having boobs and a bum! Who needs a stick insect? Guys like something to hold onto" bandwagon, and sometimes it's hard not to buy into it. What if you don't fall into either category of "skinnie-Cara-Delevigine- Minnie" or "curvy-Kate-Upton- goddess"? What if you feel like you're nobody's idea of attractive?

Well, if only I could implant this next statement into the mind of every girl I know and for her to believe it forever:

YOU ARE WHATEVER YOU ARE. IT IS FINE AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY AND CAN LEAVE THE HOUSE EVERY DAY FEELING COMFORTABLE WITH HOW DAT ASS LOOKS. The only real criteria for being a woman is to OWN A VAGINA and that is something I wish I could tell my younger self a thousand times over instead of wish for less boobs/more bum and to suit flowing long hair.

Besides, it's not all about looks. It's about your dazzling personality and hobbies too.

But I just don't feel like the bashing ends there. If you're a girly girl like me, it's fine - you can do that these days without only doing it to get a promotion. If you're not, that's honestly great too!

However, that does not grant you a superiority complex, and there's no need to Tweet about how you "must be the only girl to do *this boyish thing* *that boyish thing*". I fully appreciate that this is one hell of an empowering world where you can buy the morning after pill and Monster Munch under the same roof but it's still bloody annoying when tomboyish girls think it makes them a cut above the rest to be "in with the dudes".

That is not - by any means - me tearing girls down for being tomboys and less into the "lipstick and heels" side of life; if you're not starting any wars and still being nice to people, then you're probably on the right track. It's all good. Horses for courses at the end of the day and you've gotta be happy and content in your own course - but most of all, DON'T HATE ON OTHER HORSES, OR THINK YOU'RE ON A BETTER COURSE.

The point that I'm getting at is that I really strongly believe that girls need to be nicer to other girls, and most importantly to their selves. As if having to endure sanitary pads and terrible magazines saying terrible things about how YOUR cellulite is gross and how YOU'RE so crap in bed and need to be that bit kinkier isn't enough. No matter what, we're on the same team, and we've gotta play together.
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