Friday, November 1, 2013

I Hope Nippon-sempai Notices Me: Asura Cryin and How to Cock up Good Ideas

There's a subtle danger that I always feel writing these articles postulating these magnificent ideas. It's the danger that comes from something I know all too well. That Japan has, and will continue to take diamonds, and rather than cut them into gemstones instead to smash them into volcanos and turn it into a hot mess.

Nothing better exemplifies this than . Which is a series set in the Victorian era of tech, but there's mechs that fight powered by the souls of dead loved ones.

I mean shit if I hadn't seen the series I'd be holding a semi right now for that kinda plot. Don't agree? Okay the studio making it is Trigger. (I apologize for all the awkward bonerzzz that just caused.)

Seriously though I've gotten up every week here and I'm just giving away gold in the hopes that someone mines it, and not for the fame or prestige but just so I can revel in the bling they craft from it. Yet there's always the possibility they make a #YOLO necklace or worse a Hatsune Miku.

Asura Cryin isn't the only example of terrible execution on a potentially great idea, but before we list out it's other offenders let's dig into it. The show starts off with a mysterious suitcase, which eventually lets our main pilot a mech, these mechs are all steampunk looking, and they are powered by the souls of the dead. Now before fanboys start clamoring that and the Dreamcast did it first, hold up. The eva's are powered by an angel and are alive, and they're made of future smooth tech and are used to fight bullshit monsters from space. This here - this was meant to be steampunk mech fights powered by your dead parents.

Sadly it sort of was this, but it was oh so terrible. The fight scenes, the CG, the characters who pulled your ears inside out every time they opened their mouth. The stupid half haremish romantic plot points. Hell even how they handle the mech secrets as just oh no, instead of real drama and concern. I've been told this was based off a light novel, and my only hope is that it was a piss poor

Worse though, anime does this a lot - as I will now demonstrate by pointing out offenders, from this year alone.

* First up - which is a Sunrise show set in a floating space colony with robots that you need to vampire people to use. This didn't even need to be a good anime, I would have been fine with so bad it's good - but no even for a Sunrise mech show, this is so bad it's just bad.

*- Of this season no less - Which should have been at least, at least an anime about jousting that wasn't just panties out stupid. No this show exists now for double entendere's and off-camera scene jokes about DP.

*- All this needed to be was a shitty ripoff that was fun to watch. Instead it was a shitty BR ripoff that was painful to watch.

- Gott is Dead, no one can die unless buried, and the world is a post-apoc nightmare. Things that could work in a movie of tv shows, but clearly not in an anime with lolis. *- If you had told me that there would be an anime about an all girl school where they shoot guns, made by Gainax you would have at least piqued my interest. However Gainax is dead, long live Trigger - who's current faire is an anime about a girl with a scissor sword and half an outfit, trying to find out who killed her dad.

So then how to fix this, how to give Japan an idea so good, so un-fuck-up-able that they manage to make a good series out of it. At first I thought about a horror anime about dinosaurs on a spaceship, but then I thought, well what if they instead focus on the stupid people in the anime with the damn black hair protagonist trying to choose which one of the lovely anime girls to bone before the dinos kill them. So I came up with another idea - there's a guy sort of like the , but he can solve problems with his penis.

But it's not a hentai.

Stay with me folks, because I'm thinking a good old fashioned gag anime, seriously get whoever made 's anime and kidnap him, because even if they don't make the best comedic gold there is - a gag anime where a dude solves issues with his penis that's not a hentai sounds downright hilarious.

I imagine there's a lot of thrusting and 'Eh!"

Seriously though it's an idea so stupid but awesome I feel like even the likes of the Japan animation industry could not fuck it up.

Anyway kids that's all for this week, hopefully sempai notices me and makes Jesus Penis The Animation

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