So writing about the changes my littles and I are going through was quite therapeutic. I feel like in regard to writing some kind of wall has come down, and now I want to write lots of stuff. We will see how long it lasts, I have noticed through this grieving process one day I can feel great and the next I feel like my heart is breaking all over again. Just about anything can bring my emotions crashing down or turn me into a bit of a monster. But maybe the process of allowing people to know what is happening instead of keeping it quiet like some dirty little secret will be just what I need to start making some progress in this whole experience.
But let me just say that today is one of those days when being a part of a parenting team would have been really nice. I woke up sick, apparently a victim of a vicious allergy attack and it was awfully late before I could get up and face the world. And today didn't slow down either, we had school, homeschool PE class (my workout), baseball tournament (they scored the winning run in the bottom of the last inning), and dance class, not to mention errands and chores because I finally got the house clean and I really need to stay on top of it.
I feel great on these days as we rush around and live life but I get frazzeled by the end and instead of coming home to relax I have to rally for bath & bedtime and that is when at least the littlest bring it at full force, it feels like their last hurrah before calling it a day. I knew how much I depended on him and I knew how hard this would be, I think that is why I have fought so hard, and why it hurts so much.