"Life is way sexier when you're married to someone with a huge body count."
From Brea Grant and Kevin Pereira and the team over at SuperCreative comes a pitch perfect parody of the vapid Real Housewives genre that's so good, it's scary. Literally, these Housewives are all married to axe murderers, ghastly ghosts, terrifying sentient toys and all manner of brutal beings. They are the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF HORROR and they're here to make you scream (with delight).
From a bombshell trophy wife married to a chainsaw-wielding murderer (Epic Meal Time's Harley Morenstein) to a demure dame betrothed to a vengeful spirit, the Real Housewives of Horror has all the intrigue, sniping, catfighting, and backstabbing that you've come to expect from trashy TV, but with 100 percent more murdering and actual backstabbing. Plus, this pilot is directed by Effinfunny's Sandeep Parikh (The Guild, Game Off), so you know you're in for a good time.
#FaceEating, indeed. And to help you get in the Halloween spirit, writer/producer/star of Real Housewives of Horror Brea Grant wrote us up an extra special list of her 11 favorite horror films that you need to see before you're horrifically murdered by an otherworldly being.BREA GRANT:
It's that time of year. People are changing their Twitter profile names to a horror pun, people have the right to take extra long to get ready, and children knock on the door and you actually have to answer. Is it clear that I don't looooove Halloween? Cool.
One thing I do like about Halloween (aside from coming up with funny costumes with the word "slutty" in front of them - i.e. "Slutty ") is that lots of people start talking about horror movies. As a big fan of the genre, both in that I like to watch it and it sometimes pays my bills, I thought I'd make a list of my favorite, slightly lesser known films, or maybe just a few films you might have forgotten about. (And I did an uneven numberbecause I have trouble making choices.)
It's not too late. Start watching now and you can turn up the volume just loud enough to avoid your friends' texts to remind you about their parties.
1) SUSPIRIA (DIR. DARIO ARGENTO) - Got to start with a classic. Before there was Black Swan, there was Suspiria. An unsuspecting American dancer heads to Germany to study ballet, only to be met with a ceiling full of maggots and, probably more importantly, witches.
2) THE INNKEEPERS (DIR. TI WEST) - With two adorable leads (adorable in a cool, relatable way; not a New Girl kind of way), West made a horror movie that even non-horror fans can enjoy. Still plenty of scares, but Sara Paxton and Pat Healy made me want to work in an old hotel with lots of scary secrets. Don't save this one just for Halloween time.
3) A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS (DIR. CHUCK RUSSELL) - Until I was pretty old, I had only see the original Nightmare on cable on Saturday afternoons. And it pretty much scared the shit out of me. It wasn't until later that I started watching the rest, and if you haven't seen Dream Warriors lately, it's time to revisit it. Kids go into dreams and one turns into a WIZARD MASTER. Did you hear me?! A WIZARD MASTER!!!
4) THE SIGNAL (DIRS. DAVID BRUCKNER, DAN BUSH, JACOB GENTRY) - Amazing indie horror film about a broadcast signal that makes people get violently insane. Divided into three parts, one that will scare you, one will make you laugh, and one that might make you cry, this film stuck in my head for weeks after I saw it.
5) CHEAP THRILLS (DIR. E.L. KATZ) - Can I put a movie on here that isn't available for everyone to watch yet? Yes, I can. The list has no rules. I just saw this at Fantastic Fest this year, and it was very fantastic. Rich people exploiting poor people for fun and entertainment. (Also, the second film on here with Sara Paxton and Pat Healy, so there's that.)
6) GINGER SNAPS (DIR. JOHN FAWCETT) - A great coming-of-age werewolf movie that came out in the early 2000s, starring two dark-humored teenage girls (one being Katharine Isabelle, who is amazing). This is the kind of fun movie with a feminist bent that made me start loving horror in the first place.
7) MAY (DIR. LUCKY MCKEE) - I'd call this more creepy than horrific, but it is a creepiness that is hard to forget. Angela Bettis portrays one of the most awkward women in the world and shows exactly what happens when we aren't nice to the outcasts living among us.
8) AMERICAN MARY (DIRS. JEN SOSKA, SYLVIA SOSKA) - Somehow this film is both beautiful and horrific at the same time. We follow the amazing Katharine Isabelle as she portrays a down-on-her-luck grad student who enters into the body modification surgery field. And not like weird piercings. More like nipple removal and making a woman look like a cartoon character. Fun and horrific stuff.
9) NIGHT OF THE COMET (DIR. THOM EBERHARDT) - Okay, it's not a "horror" horror movie but I would call it a horror comedy or maybe just an apocalyptic movie from the 80s. Either way, it's very fun, very silly, and super apocalyptic. Also, there's a scene with two girls dancing around an empty mall. Which is exactly where I'd go during an apocalypse.
10) MONSTERS (DIR. GARETH EDWARDS) - Not to be confused with the movie that Charlize Theron uglied herself up for, Monsters is a beautiful post-apocalyptic film that I could watch over and over again. It's half love story and all amazing visual effects, as two strangers make their way through an alien-occupied territory. And these aliens are unlike any you've ever seen.
11) THE LOVED ONES (DIR. SEAN BYRNE) - If you are looking for straight up, really fucked up horror, this is your movie. Blood? Check. Torture? Check. Incest? Yup. It's incredibly screwed up for your viewing pleasure. Not to be missed.So, there you have it, folks, the series premiere of Real Housewives of Horror AND eleven films with which to scare yourself shitless today, all for the price of none! What do you think of RHOH? Let us know in the comments below or tell me in your scariest font .