Friday, October 18, 2013


Today, I'd like to blog about a topic that's dear to my heart: the goddess Artemis. Like, this post will draw only on knowledge I already have. So look at this as Greek Mythology According to Dark and Brite. And don't expect me to any more accurate than those shows on the History Channel.

Forgive me, Lady Artemis: my pencil tool cannot do you justice!

Artemis is the Greek goddess of the hunt. She's also associated with the moon, archery, virginity, and generally being amazing. Artemis is the daughter of Zeus and some titaness whose name starts with an 'L' (see how truthful I'm being when I say this all comes straight from my head). When Hera (Zeus's wife, if you don't know mythology) discovered that Zeus was expecting a child from the titaness, Hera tried to prevent the birth. She can do that 'cause she's the goddess of childbirth. Anyways, somehow it all worked out and the titaness gave birth to twins: Apollo and Artemis. Both of the children ended up becoming members of the Twelve Olympians--the centerpiece unit of the Greek pantheon.

At some point early on, Artemis asked Zeus to let her be the virgin goddess. As a good father, Zeus acquiesced and never tried to marry-off his daughter or anything. And with Zeus's thunderbolts backing her up, Artemis never really had to worry about unwanted suitors.

That's not to say Artemis needed Zeus's help to keep off unwanted attention. She once turned a bloke into a dear for spying on her while she was bathing. Then the guy's pet dogs ate him. Also, Artemis has these nifty silver arrows that fly silently, kill painlessly, and act instantly. Sometimes she uses them to kill relatives of people who make fun of her mom. So, yeah: Artemis can totally take care of herself.

Despite the fact that Artemis is so incredibly scary, one fellow by the name of Orion managed to fall for her. Orion was a giant son of Poseidon (the sea god) and the best hunter ever--after Artemis. Normally, Artemis had a moratorium on hunting with friends: they slowed her down. But Orion was so good, Artemis actually liked hunting with him. The problem was that Orion was in love, and Artemis was not.

Don't date people who are really into their hobbies.

Eventually, Apollo started to get jealous that his sister was spending all this time with Orion. Which was really pretty terrible of him considering that she didn't hang out with much of anyone except Apollo. Seriously, Artemis and Apollo are thick as thieves; whenever the one wants to shoot people full of arrows, the other is happy to help; if one of them wants to go to war, the other fights on the same side. But no, Apollo forgets all of that and just concentrates on the fact that Artemis has a new friend who's not him. In his defense, Apollo did think Artemis was in love with Orion. But, seeing as Artemis toldhim that she wasn't in love, along with the fact that she's the goddess of virginity, you would think Apollo could figure things out. He is the god of Reason after all.

As it turns out, Apollo is also the god of giant scorpions that kill people. At least I imagine that's where he got the giant killer scorpion he sent to "take care of" Orion. Orion was just minding his own business one day, when this monster, Scorpio, came along and killed him. Actually, Orion and Scorpio both ended up dying as a result of the battle. Still, Artemis understandably felt like she got the short end of the stick--she lost a pal and Apollo lost a pet. To honor Orion's memory, Artemis made him into a constellation.

It's a great likeness.

Unfortunately, Apollo took this as an admittance the Artemis loved Orion all along (which, once again, she didn't). So to spite her, he put Scorpio up in the sky too.

Sometimes, Apollo can be a bit of a jerk.

Sibling rivalry at its finest! Eventually, the twins made-up and started killing people together again, but I imagine the intervening time was a bit awkward between them.

So that's a cursory overview of Artemis. Of course, this post can't begin to do her justice: independent, but loyal--playful, but deadly--beautiful, but cold. Artemis is my favorite Greek deity (for good reason, I'd say). Hopefully, you think she's at least an intriguing character. But if you feel the urge to speak out against her, remember that her silver bolts cannot be anticipated and bring instant death.

May you continue to show favor to this blog, my Lady.
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