Despite being thousands of years old, Greek mythology is still very influential in our modern culture, including in our arts, be it literature, film, animation, and games. I mean, Lin and I only went out on movie dates twice, and both movies we watched - Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters and Elysium - were loosely based on Greek mythology. And the day after we watched Elysium, I watched Hercules on the Disney Channel. Heck, I even ate Greek chicken wrap when we had coffee in Starbucks. And somehow I thought that it was a sign. Like in the myths, I the hero and artisan has fallen for a beautiful maiden and muse that is Lin. However, it totally evaded my recollection that most, if not all heroes, as well as and especially their romances, ended up in tragedy either because of a predestined cruel fate, the playful tricks of the gods, or their own folly. In my case, it was the latter, coupled by the fact that the maiden I have fallen for is a treacherous witch.
When she talked to me after so many days of not hearing a single word from her, I was charmed once again, as if nothing happened. As if there was no silence between us for a long time. As if she did me no wrong. I forgave her even though she offered neither an apology nor an explanation for her behavior. And because I forgave her, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to prove myself and my friends that we were wrong about her. I wanted to be proud of her. Thus, despite her tainted image in my eyes and my friends, and despite their warnings, I gave her another chance. And I thought she gave me another chance with her. Except that I was wrong on so many levels about everything - wrong about me and my friends being wrong about her, wrong about giving her the benefit of the doubt, wrong about letting her off without an apology or an explanation, wrong about giving her another chance, wrong about thinking that she was giving me another chance, and wrong about letting her charm me once again. Perhaps the only thing I have done right was forgiving her. The only problem was that I did not do the next best step after doing so - forgetting her.
Two dates - it should have meant something. It usually does. After all, a girl wouldn't go out with the same guy twice if she doesn't like him, right? That's what I thought, and once again I was wrong. I already jumped to the conclusion that just because she knows that I like her and we already had two dates already meant that everything that happened meant something. And that is why I thought that once I have succeeded in asking her out for a split-the-bill movie date (Actually, it's not originally my idea, but my friend's. He's not teaching me to be stingy or get even for shouldering the first two dates, it's just that splitting the bill would prove that she's not after the free movies and coffee. And I think he's onto something) three Sundays ago, I would confess to her on Cosplay Mania. Except that the date never happened. Once again, exactly just like before, I heard nothing from her.
Was she ignoring me again? I prayed not. Maybe she's got her reasons. Well, whatever they are, I'm not buying any of them because:
1. She has a Facebook account that she regularly checks.
2. I saw her Facebook and found out that she had a photoshoot with someone else on the day when we were supposed to go out.
Even if I knew the truth, I still wanted to know what her reason was going to be, so I only left a few messages everyday for almost an entire week after she didn't give me a response still didn't give me any response, making my chatbox between me and her like some sort of madman's monologue. At that point, I knew that it was already over, that everything had already happened exactly the way it did before.
Just like before, I heard nothing from her for an entire week yet she spoke to me in a convention as if nothing happened. Just like before, Fernan and I saw her again in a convention with her photographer "friend". Just like before, Lin ignored me. Just like before, I ignored her as we made our way.
I wasn't going to let it end that way. I wasn't going to let it end as if everything just took its natural course. I wasn't going to let it end as if she did nothing wrong, or even worse - as if everything was my fault for falling way too fast. I demanded an explanation for everything, be it the truth or otherwise. Thus, I talked to her on the second day of Cosplay Mania. I asked her why she didn't even respond with even just a single word to my many messages, and all she told me was that all she does in Facebook is check the notifications, post a status, then log out. Liar. And as we talked,I saw a stuffed bear on the floor.
I admit, I was both threatened and jealous of the man that gave it to her, so I wanted to know who it is and if he's the reason why she didn't speak to me for a week. Apparently, it was the photographer during her photoshoot last Sunday. Wanting to know more, I asked her if he's already expressed his intentions. She told me that he hasn't. Then she added that she's not exactly looking for a relationship as of the moment, and if she did like someone, he wouldn't have to court her, they'd just be a couple right away. Well, if she's not looking for a relationship, and if she doesn't believe in courting, then why is she even hanging around with him? Why did she hang around with ME? Was I just a friend to her? Well, if that's the case, even though it would hurt, that would've been fine. But even if she sees me only as a friend, she still shouldn't have ignored me after we have went out, lied to me, and talked to me as if nothing's wrong when everything seems to have blown over. Heck, even if she doesn't see doesn't see me as a friend, she shouldn't have done what she did. She, or anyone for that matter, shouldn't treat anyone the way she treated me. And she seems to be doing it again on a new guy. Bitch.
I'll be honest - after she lied to me, there was still a part of me that was telling me to believe her and continue with my plan. And honestly, I thought it would've been a perfect moment to get everything back to the way I always thought things would be - us going out, me liking her and believing that she too feels the same way, me finally confessing to her, she saying that she feels the same way, and us finally becoming a couple. But I already know better that time. I already know that what I think will never happen, not because the Sisters of Fate does not want so, but because she does not want so. Fool me once, shame on her. Fool me twice, shame on me. I cannot permit a third time to happen, because I could no longer imagine how low I would be if I do.
I may be Corporal Levi at that time, but she is no mere common titan that I can slay. Heck, even a deadly titan-shifter would tremble at her presence. Yes, she is a titan, but not the ones like in Attack on Titan. Rather, she is a titan that is like in Greek myths - ancient immortal beings that preceded the Greek gods, and not even the entirety of humanity can hope to win against her. And I am but one mere man, so I fled. A hero would have not, but I am not a hero. Well, I was a hero before, her hero to be exact, but I no longer want to be because heroes fall more often than they rise.
And I no longer want to fall for her again, so I flew away. Icarus had fake wings, the Military in Attack on Titan had the 3D maneuver gear, while I had nothing at that time, yet I still flew, so fast in fact that was I able to catch up to my friends who were walking even though I told them to go ahead.
Marlen asked me how I was able to catch up to them even though I don't have my 3D maneuver gear on, so I just joked that I've been fighting titans so long that I can already fly perfectly fine without one. But I didn't tell her that I've been losing ever since, except that night, for that night was my first true victory over Lin and my feelings for her. A victory that I was only able to achieve by realizing that she is not even worth fighting for and suffering losses for over and over again because she is a liar.
Not Lin. Probably Gaby or Annie, but not Lin.
Definitely Lin, except for the racks, 'cause she doesn't have those things
Since I have already won, I will no longer be fighting for and flying towards her. Instead, as far and as fast as I could, I flew away, this time around towards a new girl worth being a hero for. After all, like I said, heroes fall. And if being a hero means falling, then it might as well be for a girl who is worth it - worth fighting, winning, losing, living, and dying for. Worth the glories and shames of this life. Worth my time, strength, and whole heart. Worth my love. I am uncertain whether she has already come into my life or is yet to do so, but I know that she's going to love me, neither as a hero nor a poet, but as who I am.
And together we will write the greatest epic this world has ever known, so great that it will make the entire Greek mythology seem like a children's story. Of course, that's an extremely tall exaggeration because Greek mythology has a gigantic impact on literature and popular culture, but you get my point.
To my dearest Lin, a short unstructured poem inspired by the Greek myths.
Dear Lin,
Though women like you are my weakness, I shall fall head over Achilles' heel for you no more.
I strongly doubt you can launch a thousand ships just like Helen, so I'll launch ships for you, except that I'll replace the P with a T.
And even if you become a titan or ride a Trojan horse, you can no longer breach the walls of my heart.
Though you are as powerful as a titan, your reign is over, just like theirs, for God of all gods will be sending the goddess.
Full Post
No comments:
Post a Comment