Saturday, October 12, 2013

Group Discussions

BEYOND DEJA VU by Virginia Nygard

*Main character: Jennifer Jenssen

*A woman in mid-life fights for strength to continue after Fate rips happiness from her grasp and threatens her life through a ghost from the past.


The driver knew he shouldn't spy on his passengers through the limousine's rearview mirror, but since new Year's Eve his life had been as dull as a butter knife and he welcomed a little vicarious excitement. He watched Summers whisper in the blonde's ear and run his hand along her slim thigh.

Light and motion in his peripheral vision drew the driver's attention back to the road.

"No! Oh, oh, my God !" His words screamed through a blistering-white flash that blinded, yet revealed what was coming.

In a symphony of destruction, gut-wrenching screams faded as the thunderous impact ripped and collapsed metal. The coda of smashing, crumbling glass diminished to eerie silence followed by muffled, angry shouts and curses nearby.

* July 6, 2012

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Author, film extra, medical school role player

Nice start Neal. Obviously Max has been very bad!

Just wondered about the final sentence- "the weight of those feelings

almost crushed her."

When I first read it, I wanted it to say "the weight of those feelings

threatened to crush her."

Good luck with it!

* July 6, 2012

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Romance Writer

That's what I asked, Virginia.- Back to what? It's a good first 100.

Brian,- your first 100 are good, too. Very action packed.

Jyoti, -Of course your first 100 made me want more.

Richard,-Good start. I'm interested.

Leo,-Your first 100 intrigued me. I'm politically oriented.

Neal,-I just wonder what her son did.

* July 6, 2012

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Copywriter, Content Writer & Marketing Writer

Here is the beginning of my manuscript "Armada"-

The wide-open crystal blue sea glittered under clear skies. Thomas Anderson, First Mate of the frigate White Swan, perched upon the mainmast like a vulture, his clothes glued to his skin by sweat. Then his eyes caught it - a single ship in the distance making its way through a narrow path known as the Pillars of Philip, in reference to Philip II, King of Spain. Unsurprisingly, the ship boasted the Spanish colors. Few ships of other nations would dare make their way through that waterway unless they'd paid a handsome tribute to the Spanish, or had nerves of steel.

* July 6, 2012

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Independent writer

Isn't Carole nice to us all. On behalf of the community of starters may I wish Carole a totally fantabulous weekend.

* July 6, 2012

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Brian B.

Engineering Technician and Future Novelist

Yes she is. She was even nice enough to point out a grammar error for me. No, offense was taken Carole. You should have been there when I wrote "missed calculated" instead of "miscalculated" in one of my stories. It was priceless. Whenever I use the word pass, in past tense, I spell the word "past" and I never catch it. I have a list of words and phrases that I never catch. Thank you Carole..

* July 6, 2012

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Author of Dream's Sake / Resume Formatter / Blogger

Thanks, Carole!

* July 6, 2012Neal

Owner, Mirror Publishing

Hey Harry and Carole. Actually Max has not been bad as the beginning of the book leads you to believe. I had to edit the manuscript several times because he was too good. It's just your basic "kid creates time travel, travels 1200 years into the future, loses track of time, and misses the first day of school" scenario. I know--how many times have we heard it? lol BTW, Reternity has now won seven national awards.

* July 6, 2012Alli

Marketing Director & Product Sales Champion at All Tech 1, LLC

The Rabbit Chronicles

Main characters: Fenek and Ryn Elbrer

Life is tough when you are 14 and a rabbit. Making it more difficult, the only father figure Ryn Elbrer has ever known has been taken by a monster and it is up to Ryn to find the courage to bring him back.

Afonbost folded into the horizon, as the shadow of the evening descended upon it. He looked out on the prosperous city, it seemed to glimmer gold tonight. Naturally it would, he thought. The city held incredible riches, riches attracting merchants and traders from all corners of the world. His brow puckered as he considered, it also attracted thieves. Most were welcomed through the main gate during the day, but at night the sly fingered contended with The Grand Wall. They gouged it with hooks sinking into stone and scraping its tall sides with long claws.

* July 6, 2012

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Romance Writer

Holy crap, Virginia! Your first 100 grabbed my by the throat!!

Hillel-very good graphic descriptions.

Alissa-is this book for kids? I read the first line and was interested. I mean, I love rabbits.

* July 6, 2012

likes thisMegan

Casual Editor at Hidden Coastlines Magazine

wow, I just love reading . Some really interesting stuff here.Brian your action was so detailed and clear. Virginia, i liked the first one with the little girl on the snowy hill. And Lois, i want to see the joke too.

So much good work from everyone, even if i don't go for the genre. I would like to post my 100 but i have to go find my memory stick.

* July 7, 2012

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Casual Editor at Hidden Coastlines Magazine

This is a short story of about 3,000, and for want of a better description a fantasy/love story. I am in the process on indie epublishing (waiting for cover art and edit).

Star Music

All the way to the bus stop he smoked in quick nervous little puffs, chain lighting two more thin little Drum rollies he had ready. His free hand busily tapped the rhythm of the stars against his left thigh. His eyes, shaded behind mirrors, darted constantly looking, looking for something, anything in the faces he passed. Dash felt desperately alone.

At the bus stop, outside the New Ivanhoe Hotel Blackheath, he asked the time of the usual old lady in the crazy garden hat, she smiled at him and told him the bus would be along in three minutes. It always was due in three minutes. He hated when it was late.

* July 8, 2012Leslie

Market Research Surveyor at Leslie Silton Market Research & Survey

Dear Megan Hartridge:

I really like the intro to your story.


* July 8, 2012

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Market Research Surveyor at Leslie Silton Market Research & Survey

kinda cool story

are you familiar with other historical naval writers?

or doing this on your own


* July 8, 2012Carole

Romance Writer

Megan: Your first 100 left me wanting to know more.Good job.

* July 8, 2012

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Casual Editor at Hidden Coastlines Magazine

Thankyou Leslie and Carole. well if i get my blog up and running and get this little story up on Kindle you all can find out what happens, lol. So many interesting writers to keep an eye out for out here in the new world.

* July 8, 2012Kristen

Makeup Aritst, Author

"Immortal Dilemma" Main Character: Callie Chabot-Wilkes. Callie heads to Las Vegas to find her first love and finds what she's looking for where she least expects it.

We must have been the only two people that didn't belong anywhere else. It's the only explanation how I would up with Janelle for a roommate. I was furious that my mom refused to let me come out to Las Vegas for the College's early orientation. Everyone else seemed so happy with their roommates. I bet they paired off at the orientation. Oh well. In mom's defense, we really didn't have the money for the extra trip and it was our busy season at the restaurant. I would have to make the best of it. Roommate trouble isn't on the top of my priority list.

* July 9, 2012Alli

Marketing Director & Product Sales Champion at All Tech 1, LLC

Thank you Carole. It is a book for young adults, but I did not dumb it down like the more popular YA fiction books out there today so we will see if it goes anywhere.

* July 9, 2012Kate

Writing and Editing Professional

A hilarious essay on marriage by KATE PAPAS.


Reason No.11

"MARRIAGE IS FATTENING" (A personal, but also general, conclusion)

Look around you and tell me: How many people have escaped weight gain after getting married? This "big fat(tening)" problem is due mostly to our mothers' theories, according to which "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach!"

You see, that is the first piece of advice every good mummy is sure to give her daughter. (Unfortunately, it's easy to make it to the stomach, but very few ever make it to the final destination).

Now, add to this a lack of motivation (tragic), slowly blend in the default interest rates (more tragic), and

* July 9, 2012

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Romance Writer

Katerina-I like where your first 100 are going.Definitely one to read.

Kristen-Your first 100 make he ook sound interesting. One I would read.

Megan-I would continue reading yours as well. Good first 100.

* July 9, 2012

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Author, film extra, medical school role player

Hi Katerina, being of Greek Cypriot origin myself and happily married for 25 years this week,I can connect with your first 100 and probably a whole lot more! Oddly enough, when I got married I stopped going to the gym and ate large meals at my mothers house and at my in-laws, all on the same day. Needless to say my weight ballooned by about 14 POUNDS! Thankfully I managed to get back on track within the year .

* July 9, 2012

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Writing and Editing Professional

What now my friends?

Can you help me? I'm new here, I'm a foreigner and Idon't know many things

about the Internet or the Protocol of your group.

* July 9, 2012Kate

Writing and Editing Professional

Harry, wait to see the other 40 Reasons

* July 9, 2012Heather Marie

Published Author

Katerina, is your book long enough to get it published? Some writers put together a collection of their own short stories to publish. You have a lot of options.

* July 9, 2012Kristen

Makeup Aritst, Author

Thank you, Carole! This is my first public share, so that means a lot!

* July 9, 2012BrianTERMINATION (Audio Drama Script)

Main character: IT

Summary: He and SHE copulate, IT is conceived, IT is aborted.










ELECTRONIC VOICE (FEMALE MONOTONE): Commencing humanoid replication programme, version six - two.




* July 9, 2012

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Casual Editor at Hidden Coastlines Magazine

Katerina, i too liked the first 100 of your story, but not so your introduction. Imho, and only as a heads up, when i read things like "a hillarious essay on marriage" obviously written by the writer about their own work, well i cringe and usually pass. I get a daily kinlde deals email, and see this so often by indies. A little more thought going into the push would garner more looks ,more reads, more sales. Even just calling it an essay on marriage might be the ticket.

* July 9, 2012Steve


Main Character is Charlotte Howard, nickname Charley.

There is a four letter word beginning with "L" for the attraction between two people, You can be in Love or your can be in Lust; Charley has to discover which "L" word describes her relationship with Coach PJ McCoy.

Book is "Charley and the Coach"

"What do you mean you can't loan me any money. Don't you think I'm good for it? Don't I have enough already deposited in your Bank? You didn't even look at my proposal much less study it. Come on Shelby, what gives?" I was beginning to get a little hot under the collar. The man had been my banker for years, We had done business long before this.

"I'm sorry, Charlotte honey, I just can't loan you any money now, maybe next year."

"What did you call me? That's it Loomis, you can expect some changes in our banking. 'The son of a bitch called me Honey.' My temperature involuntarily rose, I tried to gain control of my emotions as I picked up my portfolio and my purse and headed for the door to the executive conference room. Loomis followed, "Charlotte wait"

* July 10, 2012

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Romance Writer

Steve-It's good beginning, especially since it's confusing enough to make a reader want to know more in order to figure it out. I know I did.

* July 10, 2012Carole

Romance Writer

Brian-I'm not very good at reading a drama script, so I'm totally confused.

* July 10, 2012BrianThanks, Carole,

It is difficult to set the scene in 100 words ahead of the following

context. The title is TERMINATION. Please look up

Comerford and you will see the summary. The recorded piece - a

dramatisation of an abortion from within and outside the womb - proved very

controversial and was banned from broadcast.

Brian Comerford

Moore Street,


Co. Clare


M: 085-7076572

Date: Tue, 10 Jul 2012 16:21:08 +0000

* July 10, 2012Lesley

Psychic at Canyon Ranch and Psychotherapist teaching "Manifest the Real Deal!" workshops.

Surf'n Seeds Middle grade - anthropomorphic adventure:

The old woman started mumbling the creepy song again.

"Um mommy pommy um."

Her singing made Sam Wolfe's hair crawl up the back of his neck. He hadn't seen his grandmother, Tricia Loftus, in over four years. No one prepared him for what she had become. Did they know?

Sam looked over at his sister. Josephine didn't hear it this time, but then, the old bag was singing softly, almost under her breath. From her messy salt and pepper hair, held up by chopsticks, to her large gold hoop earrings and colorful jacket, their grandma looked like a gypsy, or worse, a circus freak.

* July 10, 2012Tyra

Harry's Hobbies, Short Story by T. Masters-Heinrichs

"Mrs. Buchanon, we believe your husband, Harry, is a serial killer."

Leanne looked at the officer for a moment. His face was tanned and his partner, a woman, was clearly of aboriginal descent. Leanne couldn't help feeling what a waste the woman was making of herself. She should have been a model or an actress.

"Mrs. Buchanon, do you understand, we have evidence that indicates your husband's been killing people for several years."

"Well, this isn't I mean " Leanne looked down at her hands then back up at the RCMP's blue eyes, "Harry, a serial killer?"

* July 10, 2012

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Author at O. Warfield

Led By An Eagle - Book 2 of the Omar Blue Saga

The Mountain Lion's Mistake

Was a sunny day

Big things on the way

At K-9 Town, USA.

Rottweiler Brady

And Pit Bull Sammy

Enjoying the month of May.

They were on their way

Back to the Pack

To tell leader Omar Blue

They'd just been accosted

And what they had to do.

They met up with Omar

Headed their way

He asked "What are you two up to"

Pit Bull Sammy was glad to speak,

"We were coming to find you.

* July 11, 2012

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First 100 words:

"It was a breathtaking view. A garden of red roses and carnations lay ahead along a path of snow-white gladioli and ferns. On the left, an array of fragrant lavender and pink roses, pink snapdragons and chrysanthemums; on the right, pungent yellow jasmines, orange orchids, pink roses, and red gladioli, all striving to dominate scent and sight. The visual and olfactory overload silenced the soft nautical sounds of Spa creek in the distance." Richard Sharp. The Duke Don't Dance (The view is of the array of the array of floral tributes at a funeral home. The novel is a "frame narrative" beginning and ending with the death of a main charater -- the rest of the novel comprising the history leading up to that point.)

One sentence summary: An irrevelant celebration of America's "Silent Generation"

There are seven principle characters -- its an ensemble performance in novel form

* July 11, 2012

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Artist & Writer

Richard, beautiful writing.

* July 11, 2012Heather Marie

Published Author

Olyn, your Omar Blue stories are fantastic.

Richard, the floral landscape is stunning.
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