Friday, January 31, 2014

The Night is Dark During the Blackening'est

Note from the other day: It seems my brain doesn't want to turn off today for some reason. Seeing the abundance of creativity that flows from my fingers because I'm restrained in the fact that no one knows what is going on! I told a couple female friends that they are amazing (out of the blue with no provocation) because it should be known that they absolutely are! It's strange today because I'm starting to find out so much more about this world by shutting a few doors in my life, even if it goes only for a week. Not trying to tell people things that are happening in hopes they'll like the same things or share it. I fully believe Facebook is a disease and I'm happy to rid myself of it. I'm actually surprised in myself that I haven't checked it.

A few things though: the pic above is a picture I sent to a few friends. I never drink Diet Coke except for one day a year, this day. January 27th. It's saved into my calendar and I remember because it's the day after another friend's (Luke's) birthday. This day is one of my best friend's mom's birthday. Before you think the worst of me, it's nothing creepy but for remembrance. She has been gone for a few years now and my best friend seemed lost when she passed. He is my brother in every sense of the word. His sons will get to grow up and learn about this amazing lady too. It's weird to think he doesn't have much of a family but he has built one with his fiancand he has me I sent him that pic and the response I got from him was 'You are the King. No Doubt."

It seems I have to build a legacy. It seems I have to protect my friends and loved ones. I have to be strong when they can't be and ask for help bandaging my wounds when there is time. Today my Lion (Mook) roared on top of a mountain in acknowledgement of everything Chris (Curt's mother) did. My spirit animal did so in hopes that she heard him and knew We haven't forgotten you and just a personal note, thanks for a wonderful friend. I'd be lost without him (end of note from the other day)

Notes from Monday: It's Monster week! This was brought on by needing to crack the whip and finish up a couple paintings so they are done before Jan closes! I was also talking to a friend and she is excited to see how Dracula turns out! There was yet another thing that made me want to jump online though and that involved a Metallica fight amongst friends. I mean no disrespect to others and don't know Punk rock well but know The Clash and Iggy Pop are iconic and respect them, but to blatently not show respect for Metallica?! Are there any bands that are doing what they have done or are better than Metallica/Iron Maiden?! This brought on intense feelings about more social media commentary. We are loosing touch with ourselves while sharing so much and having the illusion of being connected. We can't crack politically incorrect jokes because when you showcase to a broader audience, someone is bound to be pissed about something. You lose that personal touch on jokes and connection with humans because you're trying to get everyone to like you. I can't say cunt on my Facebook because I don't want women to get pissy even though the word alone is so much fun to say! Racial jokes, rape jokes, dead baby jokes...are all becoming a thing of the past because people are forgetting how to laugh from time to time. They are always stuck in a perpetual loop of existence that they can't take themself out of a defensive mood just to cut back and relax...this society is dying because we are trying to be better than ourselves...I think I want to get away from Facebook. I think I'm going to scrap photo albums and notes as soon as I realize I have them backed up...and be done with it all...could this be a way to walk away? That moment when you realize you have to take on the world. Win or lose, you have to take your shot. This is going to be my year it's going to start with getting off of Facebook. This past week I've realized it can't be useful for what it once was. We are so antisocial in our attempts to be very social that we forget there's a real, live human being breathing and pumping blood through their miraculous bodies and we are buried in our phones. We have become so surgically numb to everything around us that we are forgetting how to laugh. Everything usually turns into a fight with someone over something meaningless I want to remember how to laugh so I can be better at taking on this world and the only real way I see doing that is scrapping my Facebook

My dad used to drive a Cab Over Semi and it was THE COOLEST to ride with him!! I saw this picture and it stirred up such nostalgia! A new goal for this year: rather than doing a second art show, actually getting up on stage and doing a set of comedy somewhere! If you want something to just take te edge off though you should check out You can set a calming background with some sweet music to help you mellow out!

I can't tell you just how much that photo made me lose my shit! I legitimately laughed out loud! So I spent a little more time in GTA the other day and actually watched a movie in GTA. When you text your friend about a robot killing a whore robot you know it is a solid game... also so classy! (The heart gear necklace is from when the robot rebuilt the whore robot. It's just a ridiculous thought and would love a chick to understand that gear was because I had to rebuild her stupid whore heart lol) Another thing is that you don't realize is when your taking your car back to your garage and you're pulling up to quit and 'That fucking Rihanna song' comes on, it's time to go for a drive. Curt sang it once and now that's all I hear when it comes on!! It's moments like this that make me want to play more games with friends! Chops showed me this too when we played together for an evening. It's just an easy way to connect with friends and shoot the shit! When Arne was back he planted this seed of getting back into WOW...and I can't shake the thought! I used to be pretty damn good and have been watching old WoW vids and thinking it might be time to go back. I'd be an awful crack junkie because I'd never be able to shake the addiction! Another awesome thing tht happened was on HIMYM and the coincidences follow. The final song is another memorable moment of the series. I don't want to spoil it because Curt will realize it when he sees at the end of this year I'm sure :p there is a point when a person just has to ask a greater power if it is time to move on...saying no to what is in front of them and trusting the path that they've been placed on...

Tuesday's notes: Bad news bears; I wanna go back to WOW. I miss it...but I want a solid guild! I have to talk to a few old guildies and see if many still raid...I also worked for a few painstakingly hours on Frankie. I then got caught up on tv...slept half the day because I was drained from putting so much into the painting and staying up all night to do so. I then slept a little more...then grinded away on Frankie because it's monster week and here comes the push to finish these monsters!! I also came to the realization I want a Guts/Hellhound tat on my arm and hope to get it by the end of my berserk blog series!

Wednesday: Berserk blog. Do a couple sketches while you read. Start filling out your sketch book with ideas!! Time to get Back on social sites.

This final bit is about a couple dreams that seem to be the focus of mine lately. I had a dream about fear and I had a seperate one about love. I think these emotions are being stirred up from someone new. There's no attraction to her but the things she posts are sticking in my mind. She drives a van so you know I instantly was like 'ok, were friends now!' It's a bad deal because she posts these things about wanting someone to touch at the end of the night, running a hand down someone's back and through their hair, and kissing on their's becoming too distracting! She also has many mental stability issues and remember how I used to be a few years ago. The first dream dealt with someone who was waiting for me to realize they were in my bedroom. They were very slenderman-like and had no noticeable features. Once I did notice they came after me, but I kept a calm head and this turned my fear into something manageable. Fear was still present, just not shown and I was able to counterattack! The second was about me becoming a hero of something. I'm going to leave the details vague because I don't want anyone to know who I was dreaming of...but the end of it ended with a kiss and it was pretty intense. I hadn't been lucid dreaming for awhile and these two dreams were right up there for things to come. I also broke this notion that I was supposed to stay away from a relationship because it was forbidden a little while ago...and with that, the social blackout came to a close. I want to remember how to be antisocial in a world that seems to be TOO social with everyone, but just so I can remember how to socialize with others. Also we should return to Victorian dress because that time period was amazing...I mean women in dresses?! Nuff said ;)
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