As I mentioned in my FaceBook fan club the other day, my two leggers brought home a box thingy that read: "Super Gingerbread House Kit". The top of the box had a picture of an adolescent two legger and her mother looking with glee upon their lovely perfect creation.
Apparently, it was the intention of the two leggers to work together and create an entire gingerbread village. They had great plans of building several houses, a church, town hall, train station and the male even wanted to make a gingerbread outhouse (another of the male's strokes of genius that was wisely nixed by the female).
While my two leggers are both what some of you consider "artistic", (the male is a goldsmith, the female is known for her eye for interior design) they have never attempted to accomplish such an endeavor as building an entire gingerbread village.
I foresee two problems with their plan.
1. I have witnessed the male's attempts at building stuff.
2. They live with cats.
Perhaps the first issue could be overcome with diligent female supervision.
As to the second issue........that gingerbread village has about as much a chance of surviving as a purity pledge at Miley Cyrus' house.
I will spare you the details of the construction. Suffice it to say that it was a long, drawn-out process that ended with the female drinking a large amount of wine, and the male covered in five pounds of frosting and several hundred gumdrops and jelly beans. Apparently his propensity for attracting paint whenever he attempts to aid the female in interior decorating extends to icing and bakery products as well.
Well, the village has sat in all its splendor for the last three days. The two leggers have not had to go to work since its completion and therefore our opportunities for mass confection destruction have been limited. Ivan was all for an immediate late night cat-quake to level the village, but for something that took this long to create, we owed it to the two leggers to destroy it in a most creative and well-thought out manner.
Drawing inspiration from the bad science-fiction movies that the male enjoys so much, I decided upon a Total Tokyo Takedown.
Think Godzilla meets Cookie Monster.......
We waited until New Year's Eve. As is their custom, the two leggers always go out to dinner with friends on New Year's Eve. They are generally gone for about two and a half hours which is coincidentally the same duration of the average Japanese disaster movie.
As soon as their car was out of sight, Jaqthra launched her attack by leaping from the top of the fridge thingy. Her aerial attack entirely flattened one house, took out two licorice stick street lamps and knocked the town hall off its foundation.
Tigura Lily assaulted the train station, completely leveling it and then proceeded to gnaw the head off of the mayor.
Ivangaru swept through the streets with paws swinging and jaws snapping. Nothing could withstand his wrath as he trundled down the streets leaving nothing but sad little gingerbits in his wake. Although the entire village occupied a space of roughly three square feet, Ivan got lost several times and had to stop for directions.
Finally, Cujzilla arrived to finish off the edible edifices. In a flurry of flying frosting, I laid waste to the remainder of the baked burg. A few surviving gingerbread men attempted to rally a resistance at the edge of town. They made a sad sight, several were missing limbs, one had a cinnamon stick crutch and all were disfigured in some manner and bandaged with white frosting. My smacking paw made quick work of the half-baked resistance.
By the time the two leggers return from their dinner, the gingerbread town will be but a distant memory. Even as I write this, we are busily cleaning the crumbs and icing from our fur.
I realize that we will most likely be chastised upon their return. The water squirty thingy will probably be used liberally.
That's okay. While they were gone, I replaced the water with milk.
Nothing goes better with gingerbread than a big drink of milk.
I hope everyone has a happy and safe New Year.
I've got big plans for 2014..........MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!